I am sitting on an airplane flying somewhere over Dallas at the given moment. Anyone who knows me knows the striking fear & panic I get when having to fly anywhere. I try to avoid flying at any cost when I can but this time it is necessary, I am going to Ohio to attend my grandmother's funeral and pay my respects to her. Which brings me to the actual and true realization of how short and precious life is. We truly are not promised a tomorrow, even though we assume it will be there because I am sure, and this is probably true for a lot of people if you lived like it was truly your last day on earth I know for me my day would look entirely different, and I would soak in all the precious people in my life. Nothing else to me would matter.
I should know this, I see death and suffering anytime I go to work in the ER. My husband sees this on a daily basis being a Doctor in the ER. Some days he comes home beat up and not wanting to talk about it, or someday he shares how hard his day was. There are a few events, people, time, and places I have encountered at work over the years that have changed my perspective on life. These encounters have been burned into my soul, and I can remember every single detail about them. These people have unknowingly given me more compassion, understanding, and more of a respect for life. I remember in PA school giving the news to a mother that we did everything we could to save her teenage child, but it just wasn’t enough. The heartbreak of her looking at me hoping she didn’t hear what had just come from my mouth, the pain of her cries, is something seared into my mind, and that is not a pain I could even try and fathom. I recently had a pt and family prob some of the nicest people I have ever met and def the best patient I have ever had. I had my suspicions of what it was as the family was telling me their concerns and the CT scan sure enough confirmed it. Cancer with Mets everywhere. I felt like I was going to throw up reading that report all I wanted to do was run away and not deal with it, and I told another PA I was working with I am going to walk into this room and alter this person's life forever by three words. Part of me felt like I was walking in to give a death sentence. I was permanently changing the course of their lives. The way the pt handled it and told me “its ok, it will be alright” is something I couldn’t even imagine had that been me in this pts place. When do you get to a place in your life where it is ok? I know it is all on God’s timing, but I have so many plans for my life.
Life…. Life is so short. Hold on tight to the ones you love and tell them on a daily basis. I make sure everyday to hug and love on my girls, and give them my undivided attention to let them know they are appreciated and loved. We pray with our girls everyday, and last night my five-year-old daughter wanted to pray for me, as she was praying my heart was so happy because she gets it. She is the kindest souled little girl, and nothing is more important to her than her family. Even though she didn’t know my grandma well because she lives in Ohio, she prayed for her and to see her in heaven. I don’t want at the end of my life to have any regrets I want to know that the people I loved knew it, I raised my daughters to be the same way and to love and follow God, I want to appreciate the small things and times in life, not get so caught up in life and things that don’t matter in the end, because its is easy to do. I think these are times and circumstances when you realize that you don’t have all the time in the world to put it off until later. God put us on this earth for a short time and then you are gone, you can choose to do great things and use your God given talents, or you can waste the talents he has given you.
To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.
2 Cor 5:8
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